Forensic Fairytales
by BxBforever
Summary: A Bones-y twist on fairytales rated T because I'm paranoid.


**I'm Ba..ack, Okay the story behind this is in my Creative Writing class, we had to take a fairytale and change a part of it so it was a fractured fairytale. I, being the super-Bones-addict that I am. decided to make my fairytale (The Three Spinners) ****Bones-ish. If you like this you should try out Fairytale Dreams by Jremme. It's exactly like this with different fairytales and it was here first. This is dedicated to my teacher, you know who you are, for giving us a very amazing assignment Rocking out and being you. Thanks. **

* * *

**The Three Spinners... Err... Squints**

Once Upon a Time there was a lazy maiden who would not spin and nothing her mother said would persuade her to it.

Hold on. Scratch this, a maiden who would not spin and her mother? This is boring, cut and dry stuff. Let's make it... a girl who's obsessed with bones and figuring out how someone died. And that mother? Instead she's a really heartless foster father. Yeah, on with the story!

Okay, well, one day this girl, let's call her Temperance, was dissecting a cat on the kitchen table. The foster father walked in and caught her. By now he was sick of this science stuff that she did all the time and started to beat her. I do mean started to, because this Temperance was tough. She gave twice as good as she got and ran out of the house, with the father right behind her. Luckily the Queen, Cam, was riding by in her carriage.

When they both came out, they stopped the carriage and asked what the matter was. The father, eager to get rid of such a smart child, told the queen a little fib. "This girl," said he, "will not stop working on dead bodies. She does everything to them, facial reconstructions, bones work, collecting particulates, she doesn't like the organs but that's her only problem."

Queen Cam recognized a good deal when she saw one. She said in reply, " I have my strengths and my weaknesses, and I am best at the organ work and the press but I am not good at other things, so I'll bring her to the castle and she can work in our limbo division. I've done the organ work already so she can do everything else."

The father decided this was the easiest way to get rid of her and quickly agreed. The Queen then took her to the Jeffersonian, as this castle was called, and took her into a large vault filled from top to bottom with murder victims from days gone by.

"Now," said the Queen. "There is a prince, also an FBI (Fairytale Bureau of Investigation) agent looking for a good partner, obviously I am not good enough for him but you might be. When you have cleared and solved each one of these crimes you may join him in the field, for even though you are awkward socially, your persistence is qualification enough for this partnership. Particularly because you specialize in all aspects of identification."

Now Temperance, while having three doctorates, could not perform in all areas of identification, because even though she was the best in the field for forensic anthropology, she was a bones girl, and knew naught else. I repeat that she was not lazy and she in three days (because hey! This is a fairytale and I can work fairytale magic), she had done all the bone work for each of the victims but not having the skills to do more, she lay down and slept.

Of course it is at this moment that the Queen decided to make her entrance. Upon seeing the girl not working, asleep on the ground and not one case solved, she flew into a fitful rage.

"What is the meaning of this? I hand you this great opportunity, working with an amazing FBI Agent is not enough inspiration for you? Why isn't one case solved? What is wrong with you?"

Temperance did not take this scolding well. She started to talk right back to her. "Now see here, Your Highness," she spat, her voice dripping with disdain, "I have just done the bone work for over twenty thousand cases. With no sleep for over three days. If you don't believe that I am a hard worker, you are blind and maybe I should try to find employment elsewhere!"

The Queen knew that Temperance was a very good employee, and did not want her to leave so she said, "calm down, I realize how truly extraordinary you are. I just don't understand why you would spread yourself so thin. Tomorrow try to finish some of the bodies."But I've done all I know." Temperance said. Fortunately the Queen was temporarily and inexplicably struck deaf for the exact amount of time that Temperance had spoken.

Temperance had gotten enough sleep in that 30 seconds that she decided to just take a break and write a best selling novel. She had just come onto an almost-unheard-of case of writers block so she looked out the window for inspiration. What she saw were three spinners…… err squints.

The first ……squint…… was carrying a large sketch pad and a matchmaking attitude. The second had a large beard and a jar of dirt. The third carried a jar of flesh eating beetles and a socially ignorant smile.

When they saw her they asked her what was troubling her, she told them. They said they would help on a few conditions. "Will you invite us to your banquet as your colleagues? Will you talk with us and not be ashamed? If you will, we will help you and get done in no time."

Temperance was agreeable and they came in and started right away. The first squint, whose name was Angela did all the facial reconstructions. The second squint, Hodgins, cross referenced the particulate evidence with his jar of dirt and Zach, as the third squint was called, cleaned the bones with his jar of flesh eating beetles.

Since Temperance had done everything she could she went to sleep. In no time at all they had cleared the limbo of murders. When the three squints had finished Angela woke Temperance.

"Now sweetie." said she, "Don't you forget to say we're good, but don't say we helped you here. It will be good for you. Also, that FBI agent is a good piece of FB-eye candy. You should buy a ticket on that ride."What? What's eye-candy? And how could you buy a ticket on that ride? What ride?"

But Angela and the other squints had already disappeared, a symptom of fairytale-y-ness.

The Queen and the FBI agent, whose name is Booth, came up to see her progress. They were amazed when they saw she was already done. For Booth this was the first time he had ever seen her. He was stunned that such a beautiful person was a squint. He fell in love. The new partner banquet was planned. Temperance having remembered the advice given to her by Angela, asked if she could invite her good colleagues to the banquet. Cam and Booth could see no reason why not and so it was arranged. The day of the feast arrived and in came the three squints. Booth, wanting to know the friends of his partner approached the first one.

"Why did you bring a sketch pad? he asked, eyeing it with confusion.

"I work in facial reconstruction." she replied, a large smile on her face. "But drawing all day leads me to draw other things in free time." She showed Booth some very un-type-able things she drew about Temperance and him.

Booth went to another one hoping this one would be saner. But as luck would have it, he went to Hodgins.

"Why do you have a jar of dirt?" he asked, curiously.

"Why do you want to know? Are you a part of some dirt hating conspiracy? After working with dirt so much you grow attached."

"O……k……" he mumbled slowly before he went to the third. "Why do you have a jar of beetles?" he asked, grimacing a little.

"To do my graduate-work with. These beetles eat the flesh off of the dead bodies. After you work with them so long you start to like them. Do you want to know their names, or hold one?" he replied succinctly, holding the jar up to Booth's face.

"That's it," Booth said, his jaw set determinedly, "My partner is not going to do all that work by herself. You three squints, are going to work with her. She is only going to do the bone- work and therefore, I now dub her with the nickname, 'Bones'."DON'T CALL ME BONES!" Temperance, or rather 'Bones' as she is to be referred to now, shouted. This was the start of a new partnership the best in the all the land, where Bones only had to work with bones. It would later blossom into a wonderful and exciting romance, but that's a story for another day...

* * *

**Now, reviewing would be awesome, but suggestions would be better. If you have ANY fairytales you would like for me to bones-i-fy in any pairing, (Bones and Booth is my speciality but i'll do others), tell me, I may be slow in posting them but I promise I will post. I would prefer obscure, not-well-known fairytales but I'll do well knowns too. I'm doing beauty and the beast with BxB next if no other orders come in. Thanks for reading!**

* * *


End file.
